November 7, 2002

RAPTORS SHOULD LOOK TO THE STANDS FOR PLAYERS

          Decimated by injuries and with their backs up against the luxury tax wall the Raptors will soon need to suit up coaches and trainers to fill out their game roster.  I have an alternate solution.  The Raptors should hold tryouts for the fans.  Those that have a semblance of a game could suit up for the league minimum--ten days.  The Raptors could insert a different fan into the line-up every ten days and keep a list long enough to get them though the season.  This would be much simpler than continually applying to the NBA (Nothing But Attorneys) for a hardship addition to the squad.   It would definitely be cheaper, and the chances that any of the fans would ever see the court…well…the game would certainly have to be one-sided.  Each lucky fan would have the opportunity to be this year’s Yogi Stewart.  It could be the greatest marketing ploy ever conceived.  Being on the team--how much closer can a fan get to the action?

       Now of course there are legalities involved with such a move; there are certainly insurance issues involved, and there are most definitely sanity laws involved, but these can all be addressed, and solved.  There’s no reason to think that an association the size of the NBA couldn’t overcome these issues and allow the Raptors to implement the promotion--to protect itself from having a working stiff like me trying to do too much in practice and breaking a leg.  But then it would certainly be worth it to some—an even trade—to pay, with a broken leg, for the pleasure of being on the team.  Especially if the fan is classified as a player enabling him to collect a salary, at the league minimum, if for only ten days.    The league minimum is at least $200,000, probably $300,000 and since the league pays out only during a basketball season…let’s say 200 days…that would earn the lucky fan between ten and fifteen grand—for ten days work (or play).  Does that make it worth the possibility of a broken leg?

      Who could the Raptors select?  It could be anyone.  It could be me.  I'm six feet tall—on the short side for an NBA player I admit—and I'm over forty years old--which would put me in Robert Parish territory.  It has been many years since I played competitive basketball but I’m sure that I can probably still pass and shoot fairly well.  And I can still run.  The one advantage I seem to have, however, is that I don’t have any major injuries to speak of, something very few Raptor players can say.   Oh, sure, I have a bit of a wonky back, but who among the over forty set can say otherwise?  I believe that if needed I could take the court and play a few minutes and not embarrass myself.   Ten days in the company of professional basketball players would be terrific. 

      Now let’s look at the effects on the court.  Right now, I can jump higher than Vince Carter, I can stand on two feet—something neither Lamond Murray or Eric Montross can do—and if Antonio Davis continues to be bothered by a sore rib and Jelani McCoy can’t play because of a sore back that puts me ahead of them as well.  We won’t even mention Nate Huffman since none of us are sure he even has a game when healthy.  Suddenly I’m number ten or eleven on the depth chart—simply because I can stand, I can move, and I can jump.  Do I have game?  Give me a chance and let’s find out.  I’m closer in age to Lenny Wilkens than any of the players, which should make it easier for me to understand him—though I’m not sure if that’s such a good thing, and I’ve managed businesses, which should make it easier for me to understand Glen Grunwald when he speaks in business specifics. 

     Sounds like a pretty good idea so far, doesn't it?

     Now, the negatives.  Well, if I had to go on the road --and since I don’t like fast food—I’m not sure the per diem would be enough to cover my expenses.  Especially if we went to expensive cities like New York, Chicago, or Los Angeles—where there are hundreds of places to spend a lot of money.  That would take a chunk out of the income.  Philadelphia, though,  would be cheap—I wouldn’t leave the hotel at night—and Detroit—well…I’d have a limousine service take me to and from the arena, with no stopping.  And according to Phil Jackson if we went to Sacramento there wouldn’t be much else to do expect watch one of the four farming channels on black and white televisions from roadside motels.  Of course I heard that because of his innate ability to float above the ground when Phil visits his parents they make him wear a little bell around his neck, just to let them know when he enters the room.

      There would be the standard grilling from players.  Raptor players would be anxious to leave the interloper lying on the ground after easily beating him to the ball or the basket in practice, and opposing players would hurl serious barbs—not at the fan though—at the team for having had to go into the stands and, as a game show host would do, pluck the next contestant out of the audience.  It wouldn’t be much fun for the Raptor players to have to endure such ignominy.  I guess we could always just pay them more money; that always seems to satisfy professional athletes. 

     The trainers wouldn’t like it.   Everyday it would be like “Hey Chuck, I twisted my back.”  “Hey Chuck, I pulled a muscle in my leg.”  “Hey Chuck, if I do one more lap you’re going to need a body bag.”

     The coaches wouldn’t like it.  Just ask them  They'd say that it would be a complete waste of their valuable time.

     The marketing boys certainly wouldn’t like it.  Who is going to buy a Raptor jersey that has ‘Hobson’ stencilled in the back with the number 146 below it.  Or ‘Johnson’ and number 147.  Or ‘Swirsky’ and 148.

     Management would have a hard time explaining to free agents why a shoe salesman from Mississauga or a restaurant manager from Etobicoke deserve a spot on the team more than they do.  Can you imagine being Jermaine Jackson; having worked for years to make it only to have his dream shot down after half a season because some forty year old gets to play fantasy camp on an NBA court.  The Raptors would get the reputation of being a semi-pro team.  

     But who cares.  As far as I’m concerned I don’t really give a damn what the trainers, the coaches, the players, the management, and the marketing guys think.  I care what the fans think, and, as a fan, I think that it would be a wonderful opportunity for a professional sports franchise to reach out to its fan base and hand a fan a chance to fulfill a dream, as well as collect a substantial paycheque. 

     Let’s call the entire idea a return on the fans investment.  I think we've earned it.