March 29, 2005

CONGRESSIONAL FUNDAMENTALISTS TRIED TO “OUT” PLAYERS

       So Jose Canseco wrote in his trash can liner of a book that he injected steroids into Rafael Palmeiro.  Raffy says no way, that’s a straight-up lie.  Who do you believe?  Slammin’ Sammy is now Slimmin’ Sammy but he says no way, I don’t put no drugs in me.  Is he lying?  And Big Mac…poor Big Mac…he just sat there and took the punches and didn’t fib (like the others?) and is now faced with the monstrous task of trying to rebuild his bashed rep.  God thing Barry Bonds didn’t attend the meetings or he would have blamed each of the senators for his problems.  The congressional meeting did nothing except show how putrid baseball has been with regards to drugs (and everything else) and how horrendous the sport has been governed (since its inception?)  And it showed that there is no end to which those formerly faceless politicians will go to get their mugs on television.

       The meetings were like a Middle American devout fundamentalist attempt to out homosexuals from their communities—who is (using) and who’s not.  And why, Big Mac, are you refusing to acknowledge, or more importantly deny, your use of steroids.  Is it because Canseco drew such clear pictures in his book of the two bash brothers bum-shooting each other and new (at the time) prodigy Jason Giambi.  Or is it because you hold the well being of children to such lofty heights that you couldn’t bear to lie now, only to be exposed later as not only a cheater but a disreputable one as well. Or are you simply becoming misanthropic (certainly with regard to Jose).  Or are we becoming perhaps disingenuous, after all we threw you high into the air and bowed down at your feet as you chased, and ultimately passed Roger Maris in that summer of dreams.  My how quickly peaks can turn into valleys. 

      Physically, you are now a mere mortal.  No longer do you command attention by your gargantuan presence—you are simply just another big guy on the street with glasses and a receding hairline.  You have not aged well.  Is that another effect of the ‘roids?  Maybe you should tell Barry.  And how about all those formerly sizeable major leaguers that now look like they have ignored the Atkins diet and chose the Scarsdale one instead.  Pounds have been shaken off those players like water off a bird’s wings.   They say that weight training is passé; that cardiovascular exercise is the way to go.  Sure, and George Bush is actually a brilliant diplomatist.  Maybe lying is as part of baseball as it is a part of politics.  Maybe, then, it isn’t so strange that congress would want a taste of professional baseball—those ballplayers are stealing their way of life.

       Would any of this happen if not for Canseco’s book?  Probably not, but please let’s not look at that National Enquirer attempt at publicity and attention as a means to an end.  Canseco has a vengeance out for major league baseball.  He feels he was blackballed, and that stalled his feeble attempt at reaching 500 home runs and a guaranteed (he thought) placement in the hall of fame.  Simply look at Canseco’s quick flip-flop on the matter of steroids when publicly confronted.  He liked them when he wrote the book, but says, two years later, that he’s changed his mind and would like the nation to know how bad steroids can be.  Not exactly the Deep Throat congress was hoping he’d be when he was called before them. 

       If it weren’t for Big Mac’s abysmal attempts at ignoring the steroid question Canseco likely would have been the buffoon that the politicians lynched.  As it is McGwire must now squirrel himself away for a time and then, when most of the questions surrounding his performances have lessened, come out with a new strategy.   

      Tell the truth Big Mac, and it shall set you free.  Until then you will remain of prisoner of Canseco’s largesse and insecurity.  Do you really want that?